Forgivenes, Compassion and the Stockholm Syndrome for the Undeserving

“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and 

expecting the other person to die” - Unknown

I recently posted a video on Facebook of a family gathering over 45 years ago when I was only 4 months old. In that video are the images of my father and mother when they were young and in love. It was before all the violence and brutality, before all the pain.

My Status Update:

“This is a video that I watched years ago. My uncle posted this yesterday. Many in it have since passed away. First time I have seen it in 20 years. That Baby is me! It was both a sweet memory and also a bitter one. My parents are in it and they were so young and my dad so handsome. They seemed in love then and my father was happy. Watching this video just makes me forgive him even more. I love my Father even though he hurt me so bad. I forgive you dad you did what you did because of your own hurt and pain as a child. My parents are the Yellow Outfit (Mom) and the White T shirt, Jeans and Penny Loafers (Father). They are the ones on the teeter totter.”

After posting this I received several comments from folks who have endured similar pain and anguish from violations and abuse.  Comments such as: 

“How can you forgive what he did?”

 

“I could never forgive. I dream of murder and beating him badly.”

” You have more strength than I CW Seymore to have that compassionate for him. I respect your choices on how you deal with this. I guess I’m still healing, as I don’t think I could ever do that. I did not let my past a demons negatively affect how I parented and protected my kids. I also have not figured out how to forgive....and frankly I don’t see how that makes me feel better by letting my parents off the hook.”

I responded by explaining that Forgiveness and Compassion did not occur overnight and that it was a process coupled with years of counseling; my faith in the Lord and through Compassion – understanding and feeling his pain from childhood and how he was abused badly himself. He had so much anger and rage from those experiences and Yes I do not condone his behavior and wish my past wasn’t my past. But I see a deeper picture as to why he abused. Could he have controlled it? I believe he could have. Did he? No! But my compassion and forgiveness of him now as an adult has set me free giving me wings to fly and freedom like I have never known. 

Definitions as defined by Webster’s Dictionary:

Compassion: Deep awareness of the suffering of another accompanied by the wish to relieve it. A feeling of distress and pity for the suffering or misfortune of another, often including the desire to alleviate it

Forgiveness: Is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense; let’s go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), and forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

I have heard others say that the forgiveness of my father is a result of the Stockholm Syndrome.  As a youth yes I did exhibit Stockholm Syndrome tendencies but my forgiveness of my father runs much deeper now. I did have a sick sense of loyalty and protection for my abuser. But has I have matured a Spiritual Awakening and understand occurred in my life. 

For those unfamiliar with the Stockholm Syndrome here is a little background to what it is and how it occurs:

The term, Stockholm Syndrome, was coined to describe the puzzling reactions and emotional interactions of four bank employees who were held captive by two criminals brandishing machine guns. On August 23, 1973, three women and one man were taken hostage in one of the largest banks in Stockholm, Sweden. They were held for six days (131 hours), by two ex-convicts who threatened their lives by strapping them with dynamite and placing them in a vault until they were finally rescued on August 28th!

After their rescue the hostages exhibited a shocking attitude considering what they had just gone through by being threatened, abused and fearing for their own lives. They supported and had compassion on their captors. One woman even later formed a legal defense fund to aid in the criminal defense! Two of the women eventually got engaged to the captors. Those hostages became “Bonded” in a sick emotional sense!

After the Stockholm incident, many journalists, physiologist and social scientists formed research as to whether the emotional bonding between a captor and captives was a "freak" incident or if it was a common occurrence in various oppressive situations. They discovered that it was such a common phenomenon that it deserved a name. Thus, the label, Stockholm Syndrome. In actuality, anyone can acquire the Syndrome if they are involved in situations similar to these:

Concentration Camp Prisoners; Cult Members; Civilians in Chinese Communist Prisons; The Pimp/Prostitute Relationship; Incest Victims; Physically and/or Emotionally Abused Children; Battered Women; Prisoners of War; Victims of Hijackings, and of course, Hostages. The following perceptions of those directly involved as the “Victim” in horrifying situations is a guideline for how the syndrome actually occurs:

• A Perceived threat to survival and the belief that the captor/perpetrator is willing to act on that threat

• The captive's perception of a small act of kindnesses displayed from the captor within the context of terror/fear

• Isolation from other perspectives than those of the captor (Influenced by Captor)

• Perceived inability to escape and hopelessness

The “Stockholm Syndrome” is a survival mechanism; those that have acquired it are not raving lunatics! We are people who were placed in life threatening situations where we had to fight for our lives! We had no idea that we were forming this sick bond between the abuser while it was happening! Every syndrome has a list of symptoms or behaviors and the “Stockholm Syndrome” is no exception. The most commonly accepted symptoms are:

• Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller

• Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends or authorities trying to help/rescue them from situation

• Support of the abuser’s reasoning and actions for the situation

• Positive feelings displayed by the abuser toward the victim

• Supportive behaviors by the victim and at times aiding/helping the abuser to escape

• Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or rescue

Unforgiveness stunts growth and life in you. It poisons your thinking, your emotions and your perceptions. I encourage all survivors of abuse to consider how the unforgiveness in your life has affected it. Trust me on this end it is the most freeing experience in the world. To release the control and have no pain, regret, shame, guilt, anger, rage, sadness, depression, and to have a clear consciousness and walk the road less traveled is a magnificent journey.

As the New Year begins I urge you to take a closer look at the unforgiveness in your life towards your abuser. When you don’t forgive you give power to that person who abused you! You may think that by not forgiving them that you are hurting them. YOUR NOT! You’re only destroying yourself with rage and anger. I know the effects of unforgiveness! I know how it affects every fiber of your being down to the most inwards parts that few see. Where that rage and anger is so pent up that it turns into depression and a downward spiral that is hard to pull yourself out of. I KNOW!! Because I KNOW is the very reason why I am writing my thoughts on this and to you!

To quote Wael Abdelgawad:

 “Forgiveness is not for the weak. Being able to forgive those who have wronged you is a mark of spiritual strength and confidence. When you forgive, you grow, your heart begins to heal, your back straightens up, and your eyes clear so that you can see the road ahead. Anger is a spiritual sickness; but when you forgive you Live!”

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” -Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Happy 2015!!

Abuse Author: “Shards of Glass” https://www.amazon.com/author/cwseymore

Addictions and Childhood Abuse: Codependency Recovery. Final Chapter!

“The people who are meant to be in your life are the ones who know
how to gently wait for you to heal.”

Two days after my suicide attempt Penelope agreed to meet Stephen and I for lunch so that I could share with her what I had come to realize a month prior before our friendship disintegrated. This was a huge move for Penelope because she was afraid of me at that point and her family wanted her to not go. She told her family that this was between her and me and to stay out of it.

When Stephen and I were waiting for Penelope to arrive, my emotions were running wild. I was a nervous wreck to say the least. I was still recovering from the overdose and I was shaky and exhausted. As she approached my heart raced. We all made small talk for a few and then Stephen started off the conversation. Penelope was visibly defensive and had all her walls up. I started to share with her about all the people from my past, including my aunt who I had become Co-Dependent on throughout my life. Co-Dependency had left a trail of broken and severed friendships and heartache. As I shared with her from the deepest parts of me I was completely honest, even admitting things that were embarrassing and troubling to share. Tears instantly filled my eyes and before long I was shaking and in shock from the trauma of the past few days. While I shared and Stephen interjected thoughts and clarifications, Penelope’s walls began coming down. She was concerned but in her eyes were compassion, tenderness and love that years of friendship had instilled within us both. 

As the conversation ended it was agreed that I would check myself in to a facility to get help by the end of the week or else they were both going to “baker act” me. When we were leaving the restaurant we stopped and she gave Stephen a hug and then something very touching happened. I asked Penelope if I could give her a hug, (In my mind I thought it was the last time I would ever hug or see her again).  She immediately opened up her arms and we hugged for many moments face to face as I whispered in her ear that I was so very sorry and that I was humbled and thankful that she forgave me even though it was undeserving.  

  

Stephen and I then stayed and talked and he pointed out that the conversation was very positive and that Penelope gave every indication that she cared, supportive and that the door was open after I sought help and learned about the disease and she saw a visibly new CW in relating and actions. He also stated that someone who wants nothing to do with you anymore would not hug me as she did. He said it was very loving and touching. 

That Sunday I checked myself into a facility and started on my journey to face my demon and committed to conquering Co-Dependency. Before I was admitted I texted Penelope this quote:

“The people who are meant to be in your life are the ones 

who know how to gently wait for you to heal.”

She immediately texted back that she would be thinking and praying for me daily and that she knew I could overcome this and start living a healthy, fulfilling life. 

I vowed once again that she would be the last Co-Dependency friendship I would ever have. As I have said before, codependents take life and relationships/friendships very seriously!  All of my struggles even this entire story stems from my childhood abuse and trauma. The cycle needs to be broken!

A dysfunctional family creates threatening situations-people out of control, angry explosions, no one and nothing on which to rely. We deny our hurt and anger. We deny our right to feel. Co-Dependence is a specific pattern of personality traits that are characterized by loss of self-identity, over-involvement with others as a means of establishing self-identity, and excessive care-taking behavior that results in a lack of self-care. We can tackle our Addictions only if we sense some compassion from somebody. Another wise educator says: 

“Only when compassion is present will people allow themselves to see the truth.” 

Co-Dependence is all about having a dysfunctional relationship with self: with our own bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits; with our own gender and sexuality; with being human. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally we have dysfunctional relationships externally. Because we cannot be emotionally honest with ourselves we aren’t really being totally honest with anyone ever. Understanding codependency is vital in helping us to forgive our self for the dysfunctional ways we have lived our lives – it is not our fault we are codependent. Codependency causes us to feel like the victim of our own thoughts and feelings, and like our own worst enemy – recovery helps us to start learning how to be our own best friend.  Getting into codependency recovery is an act of love for self. Until we go back and heal our childhood emotional wounds we cannot successfully change the old tapes – we cannot achieve a healthy, emotionally honest relationship with ourselves and others.

I use to believe that my friendship with Penelope was good but that all the problems were entirely a result of me and my hang-ups. That was fantasy thinking - an illusion. Codependent Reflexes in action! Since Penelope and I have disconnected, I have come to realize that it is just as much her fault as it was mine. It was not all MY FAULT and unless she takes responsibility for her role and works on the friendship to create balance there can never and will never be a close friendship again. I cannot and will not go down that same road ever again with her. It was just too painful. I am learning to Identify with my feelings and actions then Detach, by analyzing and disconnecting from it and seeking out healthy positive behaviors and then decide based on objective reality what action I must take in a healthy direction. I will no longer live in the Condemnation, Shame and Guilt that Co-Dependency produces. I will no longer let anyone own me again! As Ali ibn abi Talib quotes:

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing. 

But that nothing should own you.”

I have prayed constantly through desperation, tears and on my knees for healing for my condition. I have prayed relentlessly for restoration with Penelope. Since that time the Lord has blessed me with many women from the church who encourage, inspire and love me no matter what and despite my flaws. They are sticking by me with warmth, compassion and unending prayer. They have helped heal my soul and the deepest parts of my pain. One friend in particular reached out to me when I needed a friend the most. She knows all about my struggles of the past with Co-Dependency and with Penelope. I was advised by my counselor not to engage in a new friendship until I was recovered. But when I share with them about Donna whom they knew they were encouraging and told me that this was the precise friend God has placed in my life to propel me into complete and total healing and that she was a “Safe Person.”

Donna is a safe friend who loves the Lord and in turn loves me unconditionally with all my faults and through all my pain! She has much compassion and patience and is willing to walk with me through Co-Dependency into a realm of healthy friendships and relating and for that I am eternally grateful to the Lord and to her. I have been honest with her about my tendencies and patterns and she in turn, has been dedicated in helping me identify and talk through our difficulties. She will not abandon me when the going gets tough, she will STICK and communicate and will not throw me away! Donna will be the start of healthy relating and healthy friendship that loves and gives equally.  This dear woman of 6 boys holds the title for being the first healthy friendship since my realization of Co-Dependency. She is a gift sent from heaven above! I am eternally thankful for her and the blessing from above to show me what TRUE, GODLY friendship is!

I will always have a deep and unending love for Penelope! I will always think fondly of her and with a smile on my face. I will also hope that one day we can reconnect on healthy ground as equals. But in order for that she must see the role she played in our friendship and the dysfunctionalism she brought into it. I am not asking for an apology but it would be healing for me on a deep level.

I have recovered more than I ever thought I would in the past four months. It has not been easy. It has been tremendously difficult. I have found meaning through my suffering not just with Co-Dependency but with the past trauma and abuse I suffered. There is life after Co-Dependency! I will say that again: 

THERE IS LIFE AFTER CO-DEPENDENCY!

For the first time in my life I am FREE! I am Feeling blessed and deeply gracious and humbled to the God who Restores and heals. To my JEHOVAH-RAPHA (THE LORD OUR HEALER), thank you for hearing my cries and delivering me.

As tribute:

“To the most honest person I have ever known, with an innocence and playful spirit that is so very contagious. Through my pain, you embraced friendship, and without your brutal honesty and inquisitiveness, none of this would have been possible. You are an “Old Soul” and my Inspiration and Truth! I will love and cherish you forever Penelope and hope that our friendship can be restored to a new and healthy friendship, none like we have ever known.”

I wish you all a Blessed Christmas and a hopeful and inspiring New Year!

“To live is to Suffer, to Survive is to find some Meaning In the Suffering.”    - Friedrich Nietzsche

Abuse Author: “Shards of Glass” https://www.amazon.com/author/cwseymore

Addictions and Childhood Abuse: Codependency and Friendship: How it almost took my life! (Part IV)

"Facing the truth is hard. It is painful as hell! The truth will set you free,

But you have to endure the pain of birthing it." - Iyanla Vanzant

Have you ever met someone who was both one of the Greatest and Worst persons you have ever met? Have you ever had a friendship or relationship that was so inspiring and life breathing but in that same vein sucked the life out of you and almost destroyed you? 

I apologize for the length of this blog but I want to share the progression of the sickness of “Co-Dependency” in its entirety addressing suicide. I don’t believe in cliff hangers!

You have heard me refer to Penelope as a divine appointment and an old soul. This friend has been one of the Best people I have ever met but also one of the most damaging! Surprisingly though, I have learned so much from her perspective on life and with myself. Through her friendship I have accomplished great things and have hit head on the horrors from my past. Tackling major issues and experiencing healing. I have allowed Penelope to speak to me so candidly in ways I do not tolerate much from any other person. She held a mirror up to my face and helped breathe new life into my spirit. Her youth and playful spirit were very much welcomed in my life. She helped me to see things with childlike - positive eyes instead of the cynical - negative, worn down from life eyes that I have been looking through most of my adult life. 

Meeting Penelope was a “Divine Appointment.” This is a meeting with another person that has been specifically and unmistakably ordered by God. Divine appointments are similar in nature to God incidences, God winks, and checks in your spirit. These Christianese terms all refer to ways that Christians feel like God is trying to steer us into a specific encounter or experience so that we can serve God or maybe play a part in their lives and those of another. An “Old Soul” is usually understood as having a wisdom and insight beyond your physical age, or the coined phrase, “Wise beyond their years.” I have been referred to as an old soul and so was my brother. I count it as an honor and I do not throw the term around lightly.

I know for a fact that it truly was a Divine Appointment. Through my friendship with Penelope it has changed my life in so many ways both for the good and bad. It has not always been easy and In fact, most of the time that I have known Penelope it has been a rocky road where we have not been in communication or interacted much. It has been an incredibly difficult and painful relationship to maintain and one in which that pain almost took my life. We have connected back as friends on 2 other occasions and in that time it was awesome and inspiring but then it would quickly dissolve again. Our friendship has always been full of dysfunctional relating. I truly believe that she wants a friendship but that she just does not respond well to my unpredictable, erratic behavior and the lack of Boundaries I display. This behavior stems from my battle with “Co-Dependency!” Co-Dependency is all about Unhealthy Boundaries!

 I am not Co-Dependent on every female friendship I form. There are contributing factors that I have learned that draw me subconsciously to them. For Penelope it is complicated. She has so many traits that remind me of what I either did or did not receive as a child. She is a hurt and damaged person as well and two damaged people coming together create one big ball of “Dysfunctional Relating.”

Penelope resembles my mom, beautiful with long dark hair. She is compassionate, loving, tender, funny, intelligent and witty, (remember I don’t do well with “Shallow People”). She possesses all the attributes I desire and need in my life and look for from others. On the Flip side - she is also very blunt, ridged in thinking and does not apologize often always believing she is right. Her words can take the skin off of you; she has no filter between what she thinks and what comes spewing out of her mouth. When the going gets tough, Penelope bails and pulls her friendship away leaving me feeling: Rejected, Abandoned, Unloved and Unappreciated – feeling “THROWN OUT!” These negative traits coincide with how my father has treated me. So the intricacies and inner dynamics with her have been more intertwined with my past that with anyone other friend I have ever met. I love the attributes she displays that my mother was unable to meet and I hate the negative attributes that remind me of my father – where I find myself striving relentlessly to win her approval and admiration. 

It takes two people to dance in a dysfunctional relationship, one always leads and the other always follows. Two wonderful books on this subject: “Codependence – The Dance of Wounded Souls” by Robert Burney and also “The Dance of Intimacy” by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D. I encourage you to read. 

Unless the pattern is broken and new steps learned the same dance will play out over and over again. I am reminded of the Definition of Insanity:

“Doing the same thing over and over again

 and expecting different results.”

The Continuation of my Story of Co-Dependency:

I will now share with you events that propelled me into one of the darkest abysses I have found myself in since my brother’s death. Remember when I shared that the first time our friendship dissolved I moved away and started a new life? I will now pick up there with my story of Co-Dependency.

After three years of no communication with Penelope we had both been through major life events. She had suffered the dissolving of her marriage coupled with the burdens and stresses of raising her children alone, and I was left again unemployed living in an area I did not enjoy – Punta Gorda, FL – where the average age of folks there is 80 years old! I felt stuck and tremendously alone, questioning everything in my life. My faith was strong but was being tested ferociously to the point I felt trapped and worthless not having much hope. 

I remember sitting at my computer and I just felt led to call Penelope, the one friend who I trusted despite our differences and who I knew still cared about my life. It was an act of desperation and as I dialed the number I was shaking. We talked for a while and after that, we started slowly to have interactions with each other; I believe we both were very apprehensive about reconnecting. This was in November of 2012. We bounced right back into talking and laughing like nothing was wrong and the more we interacted the more we both started feeling comfortable and learning to trust each other again. 

At Christmas time I decided to surprise her family with a much needed gift and made the 2 hour drive to her house. I remember as I pulled into the driveway I was very anxious and started to pray. As I approached her door and knocked I knew at that point there was no turning back. Either we would connect or the friendship would be permanently severed. When she answered she was of course, surprised but then she welcomed me. We sat outside and talked and talked. We laughed, cried, and drank a glass of wine. She wanted to know more about my childhood, so I told her story after story of the horrific pain and anguish I went through. I shared with her everything I could remember at the time.  

She had changed and so had I! We had the most profound conversation we had ever had that night. In that conversation as I shared the compassion, understanding, love and acceptance shined through once again as in times before when we first met. Then she asked this pivotal question: 

“Were you ever raped?”

After I answered her and we talked I saw how she was visibly and deeply moved. She then said the MOST amazing and profound thing I have ever heard and that is why I have so much love and admiration for her even still! The conversation that changed the course of my life thus far:

Penelope: “You need to write a book.” Myself: “My story is like so many others; it’s not that different, who would read it? Her reply was, “I would and so would many others.” She then said something that changed my whole perspective. Penelope: “I have never known anyone with a story like yours. I have never had anyone share what you have shared with me. You read about similar struggles or see movies about them, but seldom do you personally know someone or are friends with someone with this kind of horrifying story.” 

That night, she was not the first person who ever suggested to me

 that I should write a book, but she would be the last!

On January 28, 2013 I set out to do just that. It took me only 3 weeks to write my story from start to finish! I ended my story when I was 19 years old and escaping my childhood with the intent on a sequel. (This is in the works).

Thus the emergence of my Memoir “Shards of Glass” was born! 

I had birthed my pain! 

In that time of writing my Memoir and facing my deepest pain Penelope was by my side offering support, suggestions and encouragement. Unbeknownst to me though, I was becoming Co-Dependent on that relationship. We maintained a friendship better than we had ever experienced staying connected and in each others lives for over a year. That broke the all-time record of friendship for us! In that time I had gained so much trust in her, but secretly I had also developed a very unhealthy dependency on her that neither her nor I knew. 

11 months after releasing my book I moved back to the area where she lived. We maintained that closeness for 2 months. Then in January of 2014 it all came crashing down. I had become so dependent on her every word. I succumbed to performance based friendship again! I gave to her all the time; tried to help her with every problem or situation; I would constantly want to spend time with her and her family; I would go out of my way for her and not others, neglecting other friends; I crossed boundaries. I had put my life on hold and started living through hers. I had become very sick, yet still did not know it. Out of desperation for closeness I would find myself driving by her house repeatedly after we disconnected (something in which I have done with friends since 16 and able to drive). I knew it was “Sick Behavior” but my need for closeness and control had spiraled down the road of Rejection, Abandonment, Depression and sheer Hopelessness. She had become overwhelmed, confused, scared, angry and disgusted with my patterns of behavior. 

Co-Dependency is about control and that control is “Fear-Based!” It is the tremendous fear of abandonment and rejection. It is desperation and appears as obsession in its purest form, trying relentlessly to hold on and control something which makes you feel better, which gives life but that you cannot have! It is completely selfish and does not consider the other person whatsoever. At that point it is all about you and how YOU can get your needs met. I was desperate when I felt no hope in ever restoring the friendship. I was devastated because the “Life Line” I had relied on, was now disintegrating and I felt no hope in my life. Everything else meant nothing! My purpose and meaning of existence was gone! 

Out of that desperation and hopelessness one night after seeing her out and us having a brief conversation that ended ugly and left absolutely no hope afterwards of a friendship. I sunk to one of my lowest levels in life. I was instantly distraught and depression took a hold of me so relentlessly that I was suicidal and proceeded to end my life that night. It was not the person which led me down the road. It was not Penelope in and of herself but the feelings she evoked; the love, compassion, self-esteem and acceptance that I grieved the loss of. Suicide is the ULTIMATE act of desperation! That is sickness to its most devastating degree! In being Suicidal and actually attempting it you have to be out of your mind! We are not built to hurt ourselves. It is engrained in us in birth to fight and survive. You are having a nervous breakdown and seeing no hope. After dealing with tremendous difficulties for the past 4 years; struggling to survive and barely making it financially; the emotional and physical pain of loss; the void of loneliness and meaning in life, it was the only thing I was thinking of: TO END THE PAIN! I had no hope of my life ever being fulfilling again. 

As I was driving home I text two close friends, sharing with them the events of the night with Penelope and my disgust and failure. I told them that I loved them but could just not take the pain of LIFE any longer. I went home after buying 3 Four Locos and drank them all one after another while proceeding to take over 20 pain pills. I was delusional, hysterical, devastated, void and in utter despair. I did not care! I just wanted out!! The last person I texted was Penelope and I said: 

“Please give me a reason to live. Everybody I care about dies, or abandons me. Everybody I care about rejects me because they don’t understand. Please give me a reason…”

That text was sent at 2:36 am.

In the morning those two close friends received my text and were tremendously frightened and feared that I was gone. They tried texting and calling over and over. Stephen was out of town and frantic, they were in communications with each other and then Penelope. Penelope even tried calling twice, the very person who could have pulled me out and still I did not answer. I did not want to come back not even for the very friend who had meant so much to me – there was just TOO MUCH PAIN. Something inside of me urged me to respond to her call. I somehow managed in a state of delirium to send Penelope a text. After repeated attempts by Penelope, she texted me and this was our conversation:

Penelope: “CW there are so many reasons in life! You just need to open your eyes and see them!” Myself: “And you were one of those reasons.” Penelope:  “CW you are OK. Things will be OK, I promise.” Myself: “You hate me and think I’m worthless…Things are NOT OK!!!!” Penelope: “You are NOT worthless!!! No one is worthless CW. Let me tell you something: nothing or no one is worth taking your life! You are a good woman with a good heart. Yes you have issues but we all do. No one is perfect. Don’t be defeated by life CW. Grab life by the horns and make it your bitch! Remember what I’ve always told you: you’re a strong bitch!”

Before that text my dear friend Stephen had called her and they talked for over an hour while he explained to her a conversation he and I had weeks prior regarding “Co-Dependency” and how miraculously I had a revelation that I suffer from this after much soul searching. He had told her that that is what I am inflicted with and the VERY reason the friendship is where it is. He also urged her to keep texting me until he could call after his game was over. 

He later called me after the game and told me of the conversation he had with Penelope and that she had agreed for us three to meet and sit and talk in an intervention effort or else they were going to “Baker Act” me.   

That day August 31^st, 2014 Stephen and Penelope saved my life! And for that I will be FOREVER GRATEFUL!

I will share more on the intervention and steps toward healing my “Co-Dependency” in Part V. Please continue on with me as the story has a remarkable ending. 

Have a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving as I leave you with this amazing quote:

I don’t want to get to the end of my life 

and find that I lived just the length of it.

I want to have lived the width of it as well. 

– Diane Ackerman; Author and Poet

Abuse Author: “Shards of Glass” https://www.amazon.com/author/cwseymore